11:59:59
by secretmonkey
Summary: It's New Year's Eve and Lauren's kissing someone she didn't expect. One freak out and confusing conversation with Karma later, what will Lauren do about her NYE kissing partner?
_**A/N: This was supposed to be part of Simple Plans but didn't fit. It's mostly Lauren, a little Karma, and a bit of Booper (I like them, I can't help it.)**_

The moment she feels his lips on hers, Lauren wants to die.

OK, maybe not _die._ Not like _literally_ and she knows that a kiss that makes you want to die could be _good_ too, but _that's_ not _this_. That isn't Liam Booker's pillowy soft lips (which, she admits, _are_ soft, but that is _so_ _not_ the point), that's not his hands on her shoulders and his fingers pressing into her flesh and his tongue…

Yes. _Die_. Die, die, die.

It's New Year's Eve (though, _technically_ , it's New Year's _Day_ cause it was just midnight, hence the kiss and _again_ , so _not_ the point) and this is not how Lauren planned on ringing in the new year, not even the tiniest bit. Not that she really planned it, not that she's got a binder with a month by month schedule or a flowchart of how to make _this_ year into _her_ year. Not like she has a chart outlining _exactly_ how she's going to (by May) (June at the _latest_ ) finally be comfortable with who she is. Or a ranking system set up to help her (by July) (August at the _outside_ ) find a nice guy.

(Or multiple pages of notes on why _nice_ is not _enough_ cause she's had _nice_ ) (a _good_ guy, like Theo) (but _not_ like _Theo_ ) (a good guy who _also_ puts her above all else, who wants _her_ more than a job) ( a good guy who looks at _her_ the way her daddy looked at her _mother_ , even if that's only memory and Lauren knows _that's_ not always _real_ )

(but it is for _her_ , so fuck _you_ )

This is going to be the year Lauren finally lets herself just _be_ and she's got all her _be-ing_ planned out and none of it, not a single fucking _bit_ of it involves Liam Booker. Or his pillowy soft lips. Or his hands that have been _everywhere_ and she knows _two_ of those everywheres and no, she will _not_ be number three (she _loves_ Amy, even if she's not always sure _why_ ) (and she's learned to _tolerate_ Karma) (but that's as much of a _bond_ as she wants with either of them.)

(No way she's going to be the third stop on Liam Booker's virgin tour of Hester's class of 2018.)

So, no, this year - the year of Lauren - is not supposed to be going this way only two minutes and thirty seven seconds in. It's _supposed_ to be the year of comfortable and the year of the good guy and the year she _doesn't_ want to forget by the end of it. That's what it's _supposed_ to be, but instead it's starting off the way so much of the rest of _last_ year went.

With her running.

Sometimes, when she lets herself think about it, Lauren thinks _that's_ the story of her _life_ (and maybe a big part of the reason she and Amy get along so much better now, cause _in common_ ) and she _hates_ that (the story of her life part) (not the getting along with Amy part) (she _likes_ that part) (quite a bit, really) (tell anyone that and she'll kill you.)

But hating it doesn't _stop_ it, it doesn't root her feet in place, it doesn't keep her lips on his, as tempting as _that_ may be. (And it's surprisingly tempting.) If anything, it only makes her run _faster_.

She's done it (the running) (not the kissing) (not the kissing _him_ ) so often and for so long, Lauren's not sure she knows any other way. She runs until she can't, until there's no other option but to stop. She ran from being Intersex (until the garage) (and then the pageant) (and then Theo) (and look at how all _that_ turned out.) And she ran from Theo ( _twice_ ) and then she ran from being Amy's sister (until _Amy's_ running ran them right into each other) and then she ran from that _again_ , ran right out of the house and into her apartment ( _condo_ , fucker) and that ran her right into Booker and see?

 _That's_ why she hates it. Nothing _good_ ever comes from running. No matter how soft that nothing good's lips may be.

She hates it and yet, here she is. Doing it again. She bolts from the party, leaving him standing there looking confused and stupid and lost (so, you know, his _usual_.) "Five minutes," she mutters under her breath. She's sure that's all it will take. Five minutes (or less) for him to find someone to soothe his wounded pride (she's _sure_ she saw Brandi in there and Lord knows that girl isn't above a little _soothing_ ) but _whoever_ it is, it won't be her.

Not this year.

She hears him in the distance, calling after her. "Lauren, wait," but whatever comes next, whatever it is he wants her to wait _for_ , she's already too far gone to care. Shane and Noah are by the door and she pushes past them, ignoring Noah's confusion and Shane's… is that _concern?..._ and she flings herself through the doors and out into the night air. That's enough, that little bit of distance, that tiny bit of an escape. It's enough to loosen the tightness in her chest and her heartbeat settles and she feels - for a moment - almost normal.

"Fuck normal," she curses. "Fuck normal and fuck right and fuck _him_."

That she was, just two minutes and forty-eight seconds ago, actually considering doing exactly _that_ is more than enough reason to run.

There's a cool sort of breeze and Lauren soaks it in. Now that she's out of the confines of the building and the party (and his arms) ( _especially_ those) she finds the urge to run fades just a little. Not _entirely_ , but enough to keep her there, enough that she's not darting out into the parking lot looking for a faster and more horsepowered means of escape.

Which is good since, you know, she came with _him_. And he _drove_.

In a way, Lauren thinks, it's kinda funny. (Not that she's _laughing_.) But nothing seems any… _different_. It's a new year, a brand new calendar, time in a reboot. And still it's all the fucking same.

Like, for example, her luck. Cause there, over _there_ , is Karma. She's leaning against the building and staring in through the window with tears on her cheeks and trembling hands and a clearly broken heart and _see_?

 _Nothing_ changes.

There's a second (just one) ( _really_ ) when Lauren considers slipping back inside (but Booker) or heading off to the parking lot (but Booker, _again_ ) or just fucking walking home (but heels) (and blisters and sore arches) and standing there with Karma ( _even_ with Karma) is better than _any_ of that, so she stays.

Lesser of all evils and whatnot.

She _does_ shrink back, settling herself as quietly as she can on a bench just out of view of the doors. Maybe, she thinks, if she's quiet enough, Karma will be so wrapped up in her own… whatever… that she won't even see -

"It's supposed to be different."

New year. Same fucking luck.

Lauren doesn't say anything, she doesn't respond, but she really doesn't think that's going to keep Karma from saying anything more and she's _not_ wrong.

"It's supposed to be, but it _isn't_ ," Karma says. She's staring through that window like she's looking into the depths of hell. "It's all the same. It's the same smells of cheap champagne and stale beer, just like last year. And all the same cheers and claps and yeah, maybe some of the… _kisses_ … are new. But…"

She shakes her head and Lauren wants to sit there, wants to stay silent, wants to not even try to talk to her. But even she can see the fresh (and old) pain in Karma's eyes and she just can't bring herself to leave the girl hanging there.

(So maybe _some_ things do change.)

"When I was little," Lauren says, "like _really_ little, my parents let me stay up late to watch the ball drop. I sat on my mother's lap and counted it down with them and every year, I _waited_." She kicks off her heels, one at a time, trying not to moan in pleasure as her feet are freed from their $400 prisons. "I waited for everything to… _change_."

But it never did.

Or, if it did… it was a slow thing. A gradual, glacier like movement towards inevitability. A slow ride down the river that started on her mother's lap and ended on her daddy's and yeah, _that_ year was different.

Just her luck, though.

Karma nods and presses her fingers to the glass as she squeezes her eyes shut. It's a new _year_ , there's no disputing that. But nothing else is _new_. Nothing else is any different now than it was at 11:59:59. It's all just numbers on a clock and dates on a calendar.

"How does anyone get a new start?" Karma asks. "When there's no real _end_? Nothing shuts off and starts again, nothing resets, nothing…" Her eyes open and then widen and then there's fresh tears welling in them. "The names change and some of the faces, but it's always the same fucking _game_."

A quiet settles between them, the laughter and music from inside filling the gaps and Lauren watches Karma. She's seen the other girl in every imaginable way the last year or so. Happy and popular. Sad and broken. She remembers the look on Karma's face the night of the wedding, the shell shocked expression on her face after Amy's confession. And the pain and confusion (and jealousy) (can't forget _that_ ) written all over her that night at Communal.

The lost puppy looks all summer and the angry resentment when summer was done, the lustful sidelong glances at Liam and the utterly devoted smiles for Amy.

Lauren's seen them all (even if she didn't much care at the time) but this one… this is _new_. This is something else and she hears Karma mumble something under her breath (something that sounds a lot like 'too late') but she isn't _sure_ and she's not _asking_ cause she's got no idea what to say or why she's even thinking of saying _anything_ and then she has a sudden flash of a table and a plate and some cake

 _Karma's a bitch_

and Lauren can't help wondering if her sister (cause, yes, _still_ ) and _her_ BFF will ever manage to be the ones consoling _each other_ or if, no matter the year, fixing one of them will always just be her lot in life.

It's almost enough to drive her back inside, but _Booker,_ and then… _fuck_ … _that's_ when it hits her, when it smacks her right between the eyes and Lauren suddenly wishes she'd never stopped running.

Karma's out here. Alone. It's just past midnight and she's out _here_ and she's _alone_ and the guy the universe wants her to be with is _inside_ and, by now - Lauren's sure - he's not alone and, come to think of it, he wasn't alone at midnight either.

 _Fuck_

The blisters and sore arches would have been better.

Lauren doesn't know (at that moment) (or later) (or _ever_ ) what possesses her to say it, or what it is about the sight of Karma standing there - shaking with silent sobs, now - that drives her to such obvious stupidity (because that's what it _surely_ is.) Maybe it's a need to reassure herself as much as to reassure Karma or maybe it's just being polite or maybe it's nothing more than an effort to start the new year with at least some small moment of… _something_.

Something good and kind and something that might earn her a little… karma.

( _fuck_ the pun)

"It didn't mean anything," Lauren says and Karma's head snaps up from the glass and as sick of the Karma Ashcroft pity party as she may be (and she _so_ is) (isn't _everyone_?) the look in the other girl's eyes is enough to give even Lauren pause. "It was just… it was midnight and all. That's it. Nothing more. A kiss for the clock. It'll be forgotten by this time tomorrow."

(She's lying.) (She knows it.) (Why else would she have run?)

Karma looks away again, letting her eyes fall back to the glass. It's just cool enough outside and she's leaning just close enough that her breath fogs the window and she has to use just the tip of her sleeve (long and green, in the shade of her dress from the wedding and _that's_ a memory Lauren wishes she _could_ run from) to wipe the glass clear again.

"It meant _everything_ ," Karma says softly, her hand lingering on the glass. "And it really does… it changes things. It changes _everything_."

Lauren realizes she's in over her head here and looks around, silently praying for Amy to show up and save her but, as usual, Amy's not there when _she_ needs her. She was sure the blonde had some sort of sixth sense, a Karmalarm for whenever her 'soulmate' was in pain or trouble or just demanded her presence. That always got Amy to come a running.

Maybe change is in the air after all.

"It was a kiss, Karma," Lauren says, stepping closer. "It's what people do at midnight." She takes another step or two, the cool of the grass tickling her feet. "You shouldn't read anything else into it."

She has to wonder - for just a second - which of them she's really trying to convince.

Karma just stares and stays silent and it's starting to get creepy so Lauren keeps talking. "If the universe really wants you together… well…" She leans up against the building just on the other side of the window. "Well… you know what? Fuck the universe."

The other girl's eyes flick from the glass to Lauren's face.

"Yeah," Lauren says. "You heard me. Fuck the universe and fuck New Year's and fuck... _all_ of it." She reaches up behind her and tugs at the ties holding her hair in place, yanking them loose and letting her hair crash down over her shoulders. "You're right," she says (and yes, both of them are a _little_ shocked at _that_.) "Nothing changes. Not like we think. The clock doesn't strike twelve and everything is suddenly and magically different."

(she's living proof of _that_ )

"You want things to be different, Karma?" (And yes, Lauren is _well_ aware she could be - and probably _is_ \- talking to herself too.) "Then you need to _make_ it different. You think you're… too late? Then you are."

(You think he's not a good guy, then he's not.)

(Unless… maybe…)

(But 'unless' and 'maybe' aren't in the plan, they're not in the binder or on the flowchart and 'unless' and 'maybe' don't have a May or June - at the _latest_ \- timetable.)

(Unless she forgets the plan.) (Maybe.)

"I'm probably shooting myself in the foot here," Lauren rolls on, mostly so she can stop thinking about _it_. "Especially since I know it… _fuck…_ it wasn't _just_ a kiss, but I know… I _know_ that if it comes down to a choice?" She stares at Karma (and curses Amy in her head, cause this is all her fault) (somehow.) "If it comes down to a choice, _you_ win. Every time."

There's a moment then, a second when Lauren thinks maybe she's gotten through to Karma, when she's showed her (and _her_ ) the way it is, the way things really are and should be. When she's reminded her that if she wants him, she has to do something about it cause he's not going to just show up in front of her.

So, _of course_ , he _does_.

The doors open behind them and people start filtering out, laughing and joking and holding hands and dancing across the grass and there he is. Standing there with this look… the look of a man who doesn't understand how any of this happened and is fucking terrified of it and doesn't really care about _that_ because all he really wants is to kiss her again.

(And she wouldn't run.)

And Lauren thinks maybe, just maybe, she was wrong. Maybe Karma _wouldn't_ win. And she looks back to the other girl, the sudden realization dawning in her eyes that she might have just done more damage than she ever meant to, that her 'something good' might not be as good as she thought, not for Karma, anyway.

But then Lauren sees - so fucking clearly - how wrong she was.

Karma's not looking at Liam. She's not looking at Lauren. She's looking _past_ them both, at the crowd, but not really at _them_ either. Lauren's pretty sure Karma doesn't see any of them, she's almost positive Karma's gone blind to everyone but the couple at the center of it. The long arms of the beautiful brunette wrapped around neck of the perfect (and that's the _only_ way Karma can see _her_ ) blonde as the sway in the grass, the people milling out around them, completely unnoticed because they only have eyes for each other.

Blindness is apparently contagious.

"You're right," Karma says softly and Lauren's stomach drops. She wants to scream at Karma that _no_ , she's _not_ right, she's _anything_ but right. "I'm only too late if I let myself be too late. Nothing changes unless I make it change."

Of _course_ Karma chooses this moment to finally take someone's advice about Amy. Even if, you know, it wasn't _about_ Amy.

The redhead stands up straighter, the life flooding back into her and Lauren's mind races, desperately trying to think of some way to squash _that_ , to push it all back down and bury it in the same place Karma buried (not very well) her feelings for Amy.

"Karma," she says, but she doesn't even bother going any further. She can _see_ her words falling on deaf ears.

Karma runs her hands down the front of her dress and flicks a finger against her cheeks, wiping away the last of the tears. There's that look in her eyes, that fire, the same one Lauren saw not so long ago

 _You want a villain?_

and Lauren has a sudden wish that her phone wasn't still in the car cause if there was ever a time for a 9-1-1 text to Amy…

"You're right," Karma says again. "Nothing changes if I don't do _something_. Nothing changes until I show _her_ that _I've_ changed."

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.

"I'm going to," Karma says. "I'm _going_ to show her." She nods and smiles at Lauren and gives Liam a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek and then she's off and they both watch her walking away in the same general direction that Amy and Sabrina headed off in (hand-in-hand.)

"She's got a plan," Liam says. "I can see it already."

Lauren nods (and _not_ cause it's looking in a mirror) (a _little_.) She can see it all coming and it's like that glacier moving along. It's slow and plodding and you can see it from miles away.

It's just too fucking big to dodge. No matter how fast or how far your run.

"Look," Liam says, "about what happened in there -"

Lauren cuts him off. "We're going home," she says (and no, she doesn't miss the sigh of relief from him that he apparently still _has_ a home.) She starts walking for the lot without looking back to see if he's following (she _knows_.) "And when we get there… I've got some stuff I need you to help me get rid of."

"Stuff?" he asks, quickening his pace a little to keep up (though she may be tiny, she be _fast_.)

"Yeah," Lauren says. "Some… binders and things." She stops and turns, looking up at him, her eyes boring into him and _fuck_ , she can't _tell_. He _might_ be a good guy, maybe. Unless he's not and, well…

She goes up on her tiptoes and kisses him. Hard.

"I like you," she says when she's done. "And we're going to try… this." He doesn't protest (she knew he wouldn't. "But if you hurt me…"

"I won't," he says (and she kinda believes him.)

She nods and starts walking again. "I know you won't," she says. "Cause you're right down the hall."

"Yeah," he says. "But how does -"

"Hurt me?" she says. "And I can kill you in your sleep." She smiles back at him over her shoulder. "And they'll never find the body."

The moment she felt his lips on hers, Lauren wanted to die and so she ran.

Maybe this year, she thinks, she'll try walking more.


End file.
